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Abomination Foundry Article: The Cold Bleak Future Of Fighting Games
So, here at the Abomination Foundry, our attempt at a Mortal Kombat title was a success! Such a success in fact that we were given several thousanddollars as long as we never touch the franchise again and are legally obligated to stay at least 500 feet away from Netherrealm Studios! …BUT FUCK ‘EMAMIRITE, WE’LL MAKE OUR OWN GAME, JAPANESE-STYLE! WITH COMBOS, ANDVO SPOTS, AND RULE 34! I DON’T NEED YOU, I’M VALID, I DON’T NEED YOUAT ALL! GODDAMMIT, MOM, WHY DIDN’T YOU LOVE ME?! …Apologies, I was having a moment. But, we at the Abomination Foundry have decided to make our own fighting game. With the start of the roster past the break… Flavortown First of all, we have the trademark Shotoclone, the boring not-Ryu one who gets inexplicably featured in all the fucking merchandising. So, I decided to capitalize on another Premium Brand that I am legally prohibited from naming. So, here is the completely-legally-distinct Flavortown, who fights with the power of GREASY FOOD made from her own PERSONAL FLAVOR. Her legally-distinct-from-Hadoukens fiereballs will be Lutherburgers and we are aiming to beat Hakan in the record for “most greased-up fighting game character” She is fighting for money to continue her cooking career because she HAS A RICH AND FUFILLING LIFE OUTSIDE OF FIGHTING! [Dollmaker Used: dressupgames. com/lotus-fighter ''] Oh, yeah, I forgot to mention the cast of this fighter is meant to be mostly female. Because, sometimes cynical marketing can work in diversity’s favor, and we will be distinct amongst the genre by being the only mostly-female fighting game cast whose staff ''doesn’t ''contain any arsonists. YOU CAN’T DISPROVE THE OTHER BASTARDS AREN’T GODDAMMIT! Bat-Man Mummy Anyway, it’s '''Bat-Man Mummy', the shadow that lurks in the night that is also a mummy. She fights for the money to buy more belts, because belts are the pharoah of bandages, to become the ultimate mummy-ninja to fight the ambulatory droopy pants that abducted her parents for the British museum in Pants-Crime Alley, and fights with the powers of the Ten Plagues of Ninja Egypt. Which means they’re all wearing little ninja costumes we totally didn’t just add in post after we realized we forgot to add any Ninja to her. I’D BELIEVE IT FOR A DOLLAR! [Dollmaker Used: hapuriainen.deviantart. com/art/Naruto-character-creator-128745915] Eyes Wide Shut The Movie Also, who can forget the apsolutely necessary character designed by total sex perverts to appeal to teenaged boys! Despite the existence of widely available pornography in a spectrum from normal-people to sex-airplanes, we’re pretty sure there’s enough people who get mad when they lock the sex-perverts in the naughty basement for going too far that this is a sound blatant-pandering decision. Thusly, we used a generator from Newgrounds, the site so pure and honest that I still ''cannot trust Egoraptor due to the flagrant scumbags he pals around with from that place! Anyway, here’s '''EYES WIDE SHUT THE MOVIE', a character designed to appeal to as many non-yiff kinks as possible. She has no idea why she’s even here! This was supposed to be her day off god-dammit! She’s gotta rushdown to avoid missing her sexy-Minecraft livestream, because being a fight-maid doesn’t pay for shit! She is also milk elemental in her attacks/inexplicable-magic-shooty-things because GOTTA GET IN EVERY FETISH GOD DAMMIT! [Super NSFW Dollmaker Used: newgrounds. com/portal/view/423983] Lennie And, to keep up the sex-pervert pandering, everybody loves Catgirls! Probably! At least Felicia! So, to maximize potential returns, we merged the catgirl with the character archetype nobody gives a shit about! The Big Slow Fucker archetype! Meet Lennie! She was raised in the Amazon, by which I mean an Amazon warehouse to be used as a prototype to sell to the sex-perverts we are also pandering to! She escaped though through the efforts of millitant radical-in-both-senses-of-the-word transhumanists, and was given cyber-feminist augmentations! She just wants to give the world a hug! (And to a lesser extent destroy the hirearchial nature of society that treats thinking beings like her as products, via glorious Marxist revolution). But, she hugs too hard, and things stop moving! Both out of arousal and leaving that unfortunate state of having not-broken bones! She is obviously the Control archetype [Dollmaker Used: heromachine. com/heromachine-3-lab/] Pedo-Killer Also, there’s been a trend in Japanese media of making a character to specifically pander to pedophiles. Now, while we at the Abomination Foundry appreciate opportunities for blatant; cash-making pandering, this is complicated by the fact that I would rather fuck a blender than appeal to these fuckweasels who’re causing both Tezuka and Nabokov to claw at their fucking graves. So, I made a compromise: Pedo-Killer! A small child character who’s really four-million years old, who has made it her sole mission in eternal life to murder pedophiles fucking dead, dead, dead into a fine red paste! The technology of which is also widely applicable for non-pedo-related martial combat! And her Wang Destroyer works well as a non-lethal grapple even on opponents without wangs! [Dollmaker Used: gen8.deviantart. com/art/Chibi-Maker-1-1-346025144] Cockagine But, with all this talk of sex-perverts, we forgot about the most important nitche! The character whom; instead of being designed for ''sex perverts was obviously designed ''by ''sex perverts! Voldo, Zappa, Q, Amigo, Sukapon, Hornet, you name it, it’s a thing now! So, here is '''Cockagine', on a mission of vengeance against the not-final boss for ratting her out to the FCC! Her nonspecific-genital-clamp is the secret to her power, because as it loosens, her power rises, like Lucario and Phoenix Wright in my raunchy fanfic that NONE OF YOU ARE WORTHY TO READ! [Dollmaker Used: gokiburogal.deviantart. com/art/Dress-the-J-Rocker-GAME-6205575''1] Horse II: The Sequel To Horses And, speaking of raunchy fanfiction: Horses. Wait, no, shit, that came out wrong. Anyway, every goddamn fighting game has a ridiculous animal character as a joke these days. There’s Tekken, there’s… Well, just Tekken, BUT IT’S STILL NOTABLE DAMMIT! So, thusly, we have '''Horse II: The Sequel To Horses'. She was created as an experiment in seeing if the raw hatred of horses could be turned into pure fighting potential. As you can see, they succeeded. This horse would kill the world if it could. This horse knows no compassion,mercy, or limits. It also knows no projectile attacks aside from a dubious earthquake-stomp, but really, DOES SHE DESERVE THAT KIND OF POWER?! [Dollmaker Used: underdoq.deviantart. com/art/Fantasy-Horse-Maker-274239998] Gunbot And, we get to the bosses, the ones that every game includes and every tournament doesn’t. And, thusly, we have the typical Cool-Ass-Robot boss, Gunbot. Meant to capture the lost fighting style of Guns, they ran out of budget making the sweet-ass head and the cool-ass gun, but she doesn’t need it. SHE HAS A GUN! And also a pet beepoid she bought from Sharper Image 20XX, who she loves very much, yes she does. [Dollmaker Used: gaiaonline. com/avibuilder/] Love Gun Who Is Legally Distinct From The KISS Song Of The Same Name Secondly, it’s Love Gun Who Is Legally Distinct From The KISS Song Of The Same Name, who combines the “edgy rival” trope with the “rock-music-named sex-pervert” aesthetic you see in Jojo or things ripping off Jojo, which is most fighting game things. She is the arch-rival to Cockagine, who she is still forever vengeful towards beating her in the Guinness Book Of World Records 20XX for Biggest Sex Pervert. She too knows the secret art of Guns, but she dare not let it be released, for fear of what it might bring, and what her boss might do… [Super NSFW Dollmaker Used, Again: newgrounds. com/portal/view/423983] Chip Boroken Speaking of her boss, we at the Abomination Foundry combined the “pretty Bishie” archetype with the “millitary general” archetype, to get yet another sex pervert. Boy, a lot of sex perverts in this game, aren’t there? BUT IT’S A DUDE THIS TIME! Specifically, his name is Chip Boroken. He runs the secret organization DARKRAPPER, which he won in a millitary-badass-convention poker game. He doesn’t even want to do this damn tournament, he just held it to try and meet cute guys, but all the participants are girls. The payment’s just going to be in Bison Dollars anyway. Dammit. But he is broken as hell, especially with his weapon which may or may not be a lethally-modified TomAss Edison Sexla Coil he bought for $19.95 from Butt Stuff Magazine Like, you know The General from Kaiser Knuckle? THIS GUYCOULD FUCK HIM IN THE ASS! AND HAS! CONSENSUALLY! IT WAS AT A PARTY ONCE! ON THE REBOUND FROM A BREAKUP! THEMORNING AFTER WAS VERY AWKWARD! HE WAS POLITE ENOUGH TO MAKE BREAKFAST AFTERWARD THOUGH! [Dollmaker Used: gamesbox. com/games/12809/Action-Hero-Creator] In Conclusion And, that is it! You might say “Well,this is a small roster,” or “You’re saving the rest of the cast for DLC as recolors, aren’t you?” to which I say, please stop being wrong and please give me back the internal plans you obviously stole. …Well, this probably isn’t going to make its money back. Fuckit, might as well do horror movies, those are cheap as hell. I think. Actual Author Stuff Well, this is probably one of the highlights of this short, short series. And also the comments about Newgrounds have not aged well, given I'm porting this around the time of the Tumblr Horny Ban/End Of Tumblrgelion/Friday The 13th: Tumblr Goes To Hell. Still don't trust the place tho. As per usual, the specific assets belong to their creators, but the basic design concepts/designs; with these as starting points; are free to use as long as I; Thomas F. Johnson, am credited as their creator. And if you’d like to support me in making this stuff, check out my Patreon or my Ko-Fi! Every dollar counts! Category:Abomination foundry